If you checkin it out I really appreciate it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsCKNBgOS7A&feature=plcp
Well, your multisyllable rhyming and no offense, thats about it. You just didn't really have anything that stuck out to me. Some of your flow sounded like parts of me in a freestyle. You know, with the random stretched words in there. Not trying to be a downer. You just gotta get out of that novice flow and create something that can be a signature to your flow. Last, I know its fun to talk about your rapping when you practice. But I wouldn't recommend that as content for anything your gonna publish.
PS: Dont give up!! Look how long it took Hopsin to get to his level (I think he always says 10 years). With that being said, I'd recommend a job or school on the side :D