Opinions on my lyrics? (A different verse)
Once again. "I'm too broke to afford recording equipment. So, all I can do is write and recite. I've been writing with my brother for at least 3 years now. I never really took it seriously until now. I just want to know your guys' honest opinions on my lyrics. Any feedback would be appreciated (positive or negative)."
This is a verse I wrote for a song I plan on doing with other local rappers about my state (Massachusetts).
"I'm an asshole who grew up in Massachusetts.
For the massholes, I spew out rancid fluids.
Deadly visions rise and you're learning fast.
Heavy hitting grind that'll hurt your back.
Ready written lines that'll burn the track.
Catch me spitting rhymes in the Murda Mass.
AKA the Baystate. Now it's time to face fate.
You're terrible like daterape, while I'm hot like playmates.
Better not cry or hate when you're in the 508
Or else you'll die today and then your soul will fly away
You're in bad condition like you're missing penicillin.
Cause I'm vicious with these writtens. Killing bitches like they're kittens.
I'm underground styling. Beat you with a violin.
Lyricists are rioting. The few who really try to spit.
Rappers out there grinding big. When they have no pride in it.
Rap, we're reviving it. That's why I put my life on it."
(The violin line's there because the beat is mostly violins. Also, before people start calling me a hypocrite, I made another thread because the other one turned into a semi argument and I didn't want to confuse the readers with 2 different verses.)
This is a verse I wrote for a song I plan on doing with other local rappers about my state (Massachusetts).
"I'm an asshole who grew up in Massachusetts.
For the massholes, I spew out rancid fluids.
Deadly visions rise and you're learning fast.
Heavy hitting grind that'll hurt your back.
Ready written lines that'll burn the track.
Catch me spitting rhymes in the Murda Mass.
AKA the Baystate. Now it's time to face fate.
You're terrible like daterape, while I'm hot like playmates.
Better not cry or hate when you're in the 508
Or else you'll die today and then your soul will fly away
You're in bad condition like you're missing penicillin.
Cause I'm vicious with these writtens. Killing bitches like they're kittens.
I'm underground styling. Beat you with a violin.
Lyricists are rioting. The few who really try to spit.
Rappers out there grinding big. When they have no pride in it.
Rap, we're reviving it. That's why I put my life on it."
(The violin line's there because the beat is mostly violins. Also, before people start calling me a hypocrite, I made another thread because the other one turned into a semi argument and I didn't want to confuse the readers with 2 different verses.)
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jerm on -
pretty good. I like ur use of multis in the beginning and some of ur similes. I had to look up what a "masshole" was though... lol.
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Permalink Reply by Fofy on -
A person from Massachusetts. lol Thanks for the feedback. I've been experimenting with multis so I can incorporate them into more serious rhymes. For the most part I've been just writing lyrical randomness as you can tell with this verse.
J.D. said:I had to look up what a "masshole" was though... lol.
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Permalink Reply by Fofy on
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yeah, it made me laugh. There needs to be TRT9 rap battles (text and/or audio).
nokaoi said:ill merk u let satan carry u off into the pits of hell
now i gotta bury you cause your corpse pits start to smell
you put your life into it so i guess i must take it away
now aint u wishin you would done something better with your yesterday
fofy im sorry i fucked up ya thread
but just let me do it or
your better off dead
bow down to the things thats said
or ima come back and chopp the fro off ya head
not personal but i read ya stuff and it inspires me to write my own but it always goes to the battle rap shit
hope u can laugh at it
Fofy said:BUMP, because this forum is dead at the moment.
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Permalink Reply by Smoke on -
well that was..... cough cough my opinion is well..... im not gonna say but don't EVER put a period in your rapping
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Permalink Reply by Fofy on
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Whether it be written or not. I think I'm a start my own ning rap battle site and only share the link with people from here and some other select places / people. Just an idea.
nokaoi said:yeah for real thats a good idea
Fofy said:yeah, it made me laugh. There needs to be TRT9 rap battles (text and/or audio).
nokaoi said:ill merk u let satan carry u off into the pits of hell
now i gotta bury you cause your corpse pits start to smell
you put your life into it so i guess i must take it away
now aint u wishin you would done something better with your yesterday
fofy im sorry i fucked up ya thread
but just let me do it or
your better off dead
bow down to the things thats said
or ima come back and chopp the fro off ya head
not personal but i read ya stuff and it inspires me to write my own but it always goes to the battle rap shit
hope u can laugh at it
Fofy said:BUMP, because this forum is dead at the moment.
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Permalink Reply by Fofy on
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I'll start it once I got a new computer so I can make some graphics for it.
nokaoi said:yea for real do that shit .. i remember alooooooooooooong time ago i use to do battle rap on loud.com
man those were the days
Fofy said:Whether it be written or not. I think I'm a start my own ning rap battle site and only share the link with people from here and some other select places / people. Just an idea.
nokaoi said:yeah for real thats a good idea
Fofy said:yeah, it made me laugh. There needs to be TRT9 rap battles (text and/or audio).
nokaoi said:ill merk u let satan carry u off into the pits of hell
now i gotta bury you cause your corpse pits start to smell
you put your life into it so i guess i must take it away
now aint u wishin you would done something better with your yesterday
fofy im sorry i fucked up ya thread
but just let me do it or
your better off dead
bow down to the things thats said
or ima come back and chopp the fro off ya head
not personal but i read ya stuff and it inspires me to write my own but it always goes to the battle rap shit
hope u can laugh at it
Fofy said:BUMP, because this forum is dead at the moment.
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