Permalink Reply by Tommy Dervan on April 25, 2012 at 2:27am Terrific critique here. Nice! I feel very similar so rather then go into it and repeating myself i'll just quote. No hate though in the end
BottledMindFrame said:
I can appreciate the amount of extensive effort put into this, however, I wasn't feeling it to be honest. Your productions are pretty below average, although not the worst I've ever heard. It almost sounds as if this was released unmastered, and if it was indeed mixed down you should slap whoever you paid to work it for you. If you engineered it yourself, I digress, slap yourself. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not insinuating that you're absolute garbage. I can actually dig your flow and rhyme pattern at times. It seems you're attempting to convey some sort of message within your writing but just fall a little short of accomplishing anything substantial. You seem to lose track of what you're rapping about and throw syllables and words out just for the sake of rhyming. I'm not a fan of that by any means if it doesn't relate to your concept or make sense. Your voice often made me cringe while watching your video. As a pointer you should try to rhyme clearly, firmly annunciate your words, and speak with more bravado. I'd say your live action HD video is probably the most impressive part about your entire project, yet even it falls short to really amaze me. There were just too many corny scenes and unnecessary failed attempts of visual effect. For instance, one of the opening scenes shows you entering a club in your apparent dream land. The entire set-up, color scheme, and theme just looked ridiculous and fake. There are other moments in your video where you almost want to laugh at how bad they are lol. An example would be the scene where your legs are replaced with rocket emission and you're unrealistically glitching through the air. Like I said from the get, I'll give you credit for your effort. Overall however, you need to head back to the drawing board and work on fixing the mistakes I've pointed out. I almost feel as if you'd have some potential if they were corrected.
I can appreciate the amount of extensive effort put into this, however, I wasn't feeling it to be honest. Your productions are pretty below average, although not the worst I've ever heard. It almost sounds as if this was released unmastered, and if it was indeed mixed down you should slap whoever you paid to work it for you. If you engineered it yourself, I digress, slap yourself. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not insinuating that you're absolute garbage. I can actually dig your flow and rhyme pattern at times. It seems you're attempting to convey some sort of message within your writing but just fall a little short of accomplishing anything substantial. You seem to lose track of what you're rapping about and throw syllables and words out just for the sake of rhyming. I'm not a fan of that by any means if it doesn't relate to your concept or make sense. Your voice often made me cringe while watching your video. As a pointer you should try to rhyme clearly, firmly annunciate your words, and speak with more bravado. I'd say your live action HD video is probably the most impressive part about your entire project, yet even it falls short to really amaze me. There were just too many corny scenes and unnecessary failed attempts of visual effect. For instance, one of the opening scenes shows you entering a club in your apparent dream land. The entire set-up, color scheme, and theme just looked ridiculous and fake. There are other moments in your video where you almost want to laugh at how bad they are lol. An example would be the scene where your legs are replaced with rocket emission and you're unrealistically glitching through the air. Like I said from the get, I'll give you credit for your effort. Overall however, you need to head back to the drawing board and work on fixing the mistakes I've pointed out. I almost feel as if you'd have some potential if they were corrected.
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