I dig it. I'm assuming that's pencil, so I'll give you some pointers 'cause pencil is the only medium I really fuck with. This is the same shit that was told to me when I was younger. Try to stay away from thick, bold outlining. Sometimes you want that, but sometimes you don't. And it could use a lot more shading. The only thing that should still be white are the things that are actually white in your head. Shading will just give it some depth and make it pop out a little bit more.
he's ridin on a pale white horse ahahaah