constructive critisism dont hold back i need all the advice i can get
i close my eyes
to my surprise
im paralized
to the lies the world supplies
so i go get high to try to hide from my own pride
and the day i get that fatal ride to heavens side
if i go will yall even remember me
or will forget that you ever knew A . X . E.
this is a struggle i often battle with eternally
the thought of being forgotten fucks me up mentally got me shaken viciously
do you know how it feels to wanna shut down
walk around with your clown smile painted into a frown
and the town that you live in dont give a shit
they wanna see your throat slit laying dead in a ditch with your chick
the world is sick
dont think the madness will ever quit got girly ass niggas lookin and actin like a bitch
to my surprise
im paralized
to the lies the world supplies
so i go get high to try to hide from my own pride
and the day i get that fatal ride to heavens side
if i go will yall even remember me
or will forget that you ever knew A . X . E.
this is a struggle i often battle with eternally
the thought of being forgotten fucks me up mentally got me shaken viciously
do you know how it feels to wanna shut down
walk around with your clown smile painted into a frown
and the town that you live in dont give a shit
they wanna see your throat slit laying dead in a ditch with your chick
the world is sick
dont think the madness will ever quit got girly ass niggas lookin and actin like a bitch
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Permalink Reply by Darshaun Edmunds on -
thank you
Klown said:Its coo my nigga
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Permalink Reply by Rain Dollaz on -
yeah its good!
if you dont mind let me spit a couple lines //
cause time waits for no man even in his prime //
im..waitin for words from a higher bein //
cause mentaly im fucked like a whores inseem // (kat)
could this world that we live in only be a dream //
if so wake me up b4 its over im tired of seeing //
rain..painted b4 me like an illistrated illoution //
fake smiles on peoples faces when they see my innovated intrusion //
50 said it best "i use big words but i cant spell em" //
the hunted becomes the hunter and i can smell em //
grind it out till the end thats what i tell em //
steal from the rich back to the poor to help em //
we on two different sides of life man but still feel the pain //
friends become enemies no longer can chill the same //
i'll leave a verse for even when the pages desolves //
the words will stay cause that day even the words evolves//
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Permalink Reply by CaliTechnician on -
Yeah you both sound good; Edmunds if you want some criticism I would say you should throw a hook in there somewhere to break up the repitition, and try to paint a picture with your lyrics. You already started to do that, just go more into it. Don't be afraid to get personal.
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